Happy Anniversary Louise and thanks for saying this for all of us. I have a 14 year old daughter. I was 14 in the nineties in the mid-nineties and while this skinniness was the beauty standard in pop culture and fashion, those women were removed from us. I didn't exactly think a girl from Maine should or could look like Kate Moss. The fake intimacy and ubiquitous of this skinniness now with all celebrities/influencers being "accessible" all the time via social media is scary.
This is such a good point!! And also - I do think looking back, you can see that Kate Moss was just a naturally small person. What we’re seeing today is frightening because we’re watching people shrink in real time
True. We didn't see the shrinking then eithercin real time. That experience is actually making me feel complicit simply by following and observing. Women just can't win. It's sad and scary.
I am so glad you recovered and it is part of who you were for years but you are now Nine Years recovered. I am so proud of you. You helped yourself with help and love from others, and you are helping others. This article should be published everywhere! Love you. Anne Xx
Hi Louise, thanks for your writing. This was a beautiful and searingly honest piece this morning. Here are some links to resources on fatness and GLP1s that I've found helpful in my own recovery (while also trying to hold my mettle in the current moment).
The first is an Italian Fat Activist Group who have undertaken informed research regarding injectables and fatness/fatphobia
The second is a link to the ever brilliant Virgie Tovar, Latina plus size activist and lecturer, she has a website, Substack and a podcast dedicated to unpacking GLP1 side-effects including EDs, and connection to fat phobia.
Thank you for sharing this Lousie well done in your recovery and happy anniversary. I am so glad that you can enjoy the pleasure and health of good food now. xo
Congrats Louise. Ive just realised it’s my own 20 year anniversary. I felt such relief with the recent body positivity movement. And marvelled at the confidence of you women in their bodies. It’s so devastating to see this recent shift. Just as my kids are entering tweenhood. My eldest are boys and the pressures are different but just as real for them. I imagine facade of skinny is mesmerising to follow on social media. But nobody is talking about the realities you outline. To those I’ll add: lower back pain leaning against the DART handrail on my commute, once being so low and wishing I would be so small I’d slip between the couch cushions and never emerge, having haemorrhoids, getting plastered on one glass of wine on an empty stomach. Watching an eating disorder documentary once with my friend where one patient said they were afraid of the carbs in toothpaste and feeling so Sen while my friend felt so sad for her. The osteopenia diagnosis (thankfully a healthy lifestyle since has reversed this- it was emotional to have that scan result last year). The biggest thing for me was the loneliness. I made my world so so tiny. So secretive. I wonder whether that loneliness is relevant now with the thinspo stuff online. I’m thankful there’s only a few photos of me at my worst floating about. I can’t imagine the confronting digital footprint there’d have been. Recovery hasn’t been easy but it’s been beautiful to let the world in and accept my body. I exercise to build strength, endurance and for headspace It took me longer to do it without feeling sheepish or that I’m tricking myself. I’m going through the most traumatic event in my life at the moment and I lost weight quickly. But it wasn’t because I was denying myself - it was just stress. I have to watch it though and all my friends and family kept watch. I’m so glad I wasn’t triggered. I’ve since regained and I’m delighted. This is just life in all its messiness. I didn’t let myself live life when I was sick. I just existed. So, cheers to all of us and our strong, beautiful bodies.
This has really moved me - thank you so, so much for sharing, and for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a stressful time. Please take very good care of yourself xx
Thank you, Louise, for such an honest essay on anorexia. Like you, I was anorexic and then bulimic for my high school and college years. As an adult, I continued to struggle with food and although no longer cadaver thin, I still labeled foods as “bad” or “good.”
Late in life, I was diagnosed with celiac disease. I believe I’ve had celiac since I was a child, my stomach always hurting and bloated. Symptoms of celiac include anorexia. For me, I believe that celiac was a root cause of my anorexia. Eating little and mostly avoiding gluten made me feel better, relieving me of the stomach pain and bloat I often felt. My head felt clear and I had energy. Because celiac is a silent or invisible disease, until my diagnosis of that condition, doctors felt that the pain and discomfort I felt were imagined. “In my head,” they’d say in an accusatory manner. I often wonder how many women suffer from both celiac and anorexia, ignored by the medical establishment as I was.
Ironically, my relationship with food will always be a struggle because I now need to think about food every day for every meal. And yet, the focus has shifted from caloric intake and body shaming to that of wondering about the nutritional value of a particular food and whether it contains gluten. I am beginning feel healthy. I also find myself speaking up rather than staying quiet - a shift from the anorexic mindset of wanting to take up little space.
This is such an interesting perspective and not one I’ve come across before - thank you so much for sharing this with me, Christine. I’m so sorry it’s been such a struggle, and that you were gaslit by doctors too. And I LOVE to hear that you’re speaking up now xx
Happy Anniversary Louise and thanks for saying this for all of us. I have a 14 year old daughter. I was 14 in the nineties in the mid-nineties and while this skinniness was the beauty standard in pop culture and fashion, those women were removed from us. I didn't exactly think a girl from Maine should or could look like Kate Moss. The fake intimacy and ubiquitous of this skinniness now with all celebrities/influencers being "accessible" all the time via social media is scary.
This is such a good point!! And also - I do think looking back, you can see that Kate Moss was just a naturally small person. What we’re seeing today is frightening because we’re watching people shrink in real time
True. We didn't see the shrinking then eithercin real time. That experience is actually making me feel complicit simply by following and observing. Women just can't win. It's sad and scary.
I am so glad you recovered and it is part of who you were for years but you are now Nine Years recovered. I am so proud of you. You helped yourself with help and love from others, and you are helping others. This article should be published everywhere! Love you. Anne Xx
Oh anne, I love you too xx
Hi Louise, thanks for your writing. This was a beautiful and searingly honest piece this morning. Here are some links to resources on fatness and GLP1s that I've found helpful in my own recovery (while also trying to hold my mettle in the current moment).
The first is an Italian Fat Activist Group who have undertaken informed research regarding injectables and fatness/fatphobia
https://drive.google.com/uc?
export=download&id=1SKXtYcO33UxWgXCTYWGu0mgU96ZEDSYH
The second is a link to the ever brilliant Virgie Tovar, Latina plus size activist and lecturer, she has a website, Substack and a podcast dedicated to unpacking GLP1 side-effects including EDs, and connection to fat phobia.
https://www.virgietovar.com
Congrats on your anniversary and thanks for sharing with us!
The link for the google drive doc won't save properly in the comments. Apologies, maybe you could copy and paste x
Louise! Thank you SO much for this, I can’t wait to dive in. I really appreciate you sharing this. (And congratulations on your own recovery xx)
Thank you for sharing this Lousie well done in your recovery and happy anniversary. I am so glad that you can enjoy the pleasure and health of good food now. xo
Thank you, Clodagh!
Congrats Louise. Ive just realised it’s my own 20 year anniversary. I felt such relief with the recent body positivity movement. And marvelled at the confidence of you women in their bodies. It’s so devastating to see this recent shift. Just as my kids are entering tweenhood. My eldest are boys and the pressures are different but just as real for them. I imagine facade of skinny is mesmerising to follow on social media. But nobody is talking about the realities you outline. To those I’ll add: lower back pain leaning against the DART handrail on my commute, once being so low and wishing I would be so small I’d slip between the couch cushions and never emerge, having haemorrhoids, getting plastered on one glass of wine on an empty stomach. Watching an eating disorder documentary once with my friend where one patient said they were afraid of the carbs in toothpaste and feeling so Sen while my friend felt so sad for her. The osteopenia diagnosis (thankfully a healthy lifestyle since has reversed this- it was emotional to have that scan result last year). The biggest thing for me was the loneliness. I made my world so so tiny. So secretive. I wonder whether that loneliness is relevant now with the thinspo stuff online. I’m thankful there’s only a few photos of me at my worst floating about. I can’t imagine the confronting digital footprint there’d have been. Recovery hasn’t been easy but it’s been beautiful to let the world in and accept my body. I exercise to build strength, endurance and for headspace It took me longer to do it without feeling sheepish or that I’m tricking myself. I’m going through the most traumatic event in my life at the moment and I lost weight quickly. But it wasn’t because I was denying myself - it was just stress. I have to watch it though and all my friends and family kept watch. I’m so glad I wasn’t triggered. I’ve since regained and I’m delighted. This is just life in all its messiness. I didn’t let myself live life when I was sick. I just existed. So, cheers to all of us and our strong, beautiful bodies.
This has really moved me - thank you so, so much for sharing, and for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a stressful time. Please take very good care of yourself xx
You’re an extraordinary writer and person. This is so beautiful and moving and STRONG. X
Daisy 😭😭😭😭😭
Thank you, Louise, for such an honest essay on anorexia. Like you, I was anorexic and then bulimic for my high school and college years. As an adult, I continued to struggle with food and although no longer cadaver thin, I still labeled foods as “bad” or “good.”
Late in life, I was diagnosed with celiac disease. I believe I’ve had celiac since I was a child, my stomach always hurting and bloated. Symptoms of celiac include anorexia. For me, I believe that celiac was a root cause of my anorexia. Eating little and mostly avoiding gluten made me feel better, relieving me of the stomach pain and bloat I often felt. My head felt clear and I had energy. Because celiac is a silent or invisible disease, until my diagnosis of that condition, doctors felt that the pain and discomfort I felt were imagined. “In my head,” they’d say in an accusatory manner. I often wonder how many women suffer from both celiac and anorexia, ignored by the medical establishment as I was.
Ironically, my relationship with food will always be a struggle because I now need to think about food every day for every meal. And yet, the focus has shifted from caloric intake and body shaming to that of wondering about the nutritional value of a particular food and whether it contains gluten. I am beginning feel healthy. I also find myself speaking up rather than staying quiet - a shift from the anorexic mindset of wanting to take up little space.
This is such an interesting perspective and not one I’ve come across before - thank you so much for sharing this with me, Christine. I’m so sorry it’s been such a struggle, and that you were gaslit by doctors too. And I LOVE to hear that you’re speaking up now xx
A very enlightening and powerful article . Thank you
thank you xx
A very powerful read x
Thank you 🥹
Happy Anniversary Louise.
Such an amazing achievement ❤️🥰
Thanks Caroline xx
Thank you for writing this xxx
Thanks for reading it x
It is so wonderful to see you thrive Louise. Wishing you all the very best
Thank you, Joan!
❤️❤️❤️love you
😭😭😭
Thank you for sharing x
❤️❤️❤️
Happy anniversary Louise, powerful words <3
Thanks so much, Caroline x
Amazing piece ❤️