After last week’s newsletter on Taylor Swift’s new album and how damaging a situationship can be to your sense of self, there were a lot of women in my DMs asking for advice on how to get over one. I was worried that perhaps I wasn’t the best woman for the job since I haven’t been in a situationship for like, a decade – mostly because a) I am too old now and b) my best friend would lock me in the boot of her car before she would allow me/her go through that torture again – so my expertise might be a little outdated. But then I thought, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose! They’ve been using the same tactics since time immemorial, so the antidote will remain the same as well.
Before we start – let’s define a situationship. Don’t get it confused with a casual hookup or a friends with benefits arrangement which can be perfectly satisfactory if both parties are aware of, and happy with those parameters. A situationship, on the other hand, is basically a romantic relationship without any commitment – it’s a relationship before the DTR conversation. The reason why it can send you off the deep end is because often, you’re expected to give all the emotional support of a partner but without any expectation of your own needs being met in return. You will, inevitably, be utterly confused about their feelings for you. One minute they’re implying that you could be the love of their life if only things were ‘different’, (conveniently, they never quite outline what those different circumstances would look like) the next, they’re leaving you on read for days because you had the audacity to ask if they had nice weekend plans. You’re left checking your phone obsessively, wondering if or when they’ll text, replaying your interactions with them over and over in your head, trying to figure out if you did something wrong, and basically cosplaying as the Coolest Girl Alive in order to make them fall in love with you.
Okay, pal. C’mere to me. You can’t ‘make’ anyone fall in love with you, no matter what obsession spells they’re shilling on WitchTok. (If you know, you know) If something or someone is meant for you, you won’t have to force it. It’ll be easy. I also know saying that is a giant waste of my time because if you’re still knees-deep in your situationship, you are fucking unhinged right now. So, I’m going to give you my best advice to dig yourself out of this hole. Be warned: some of this is toxic and I MAKE NO APOLOGIES. Let’s get into it below: